Now that it is the holidays, I have alot of time, time to feel all sorts of weird things; like yesterday, I felt so misunderstood, like a teenager. It was such a horrible feeling whereby I had this urge to dash onto the road, get knocked over and die, but I didn’t have the guts to. This is my problem: I am a coward and I hate it.
It’s always an inner rebellion. Always. I can come up with what to do to vent my anger/frustration but I never do it. Whenever I have this rage within, I want to hurt people badly but I always think it’s too cruel. I don’t slam the door, I don’t give the finger, I don’t leave the room/house/car, I don’t splash my drink on people, I don’t smash things… I just don’t; and I darn well wish I do.